Healing From Heartbreak
Everyone has to experience pain. That's how we grow and mature as individuals.
Pain is a necessary experience we all have to go through as we navigate through life's challenges. To conquer pain, we must experience pain. There are a lot of complexities involved in developing relationships with people. We won't always get it right; you are going to meet people who you assess inaccurately. You think they're one way when they're another; you make assumptions and excuses for certain behavior that they exhibit because you want to desperately believe you've chosen the right guy. This is a trait of stubbornness because it's hard for us to admit we chose wrong. The influence of television, films and songs leads us to believe that life is a fairytale where everything has to be perfect, especially when it comes to love. What the media doesn't show is that seldom do we get everything exactly right, at first.
We're led to believe that love is a predetermined, manifested course of action where every twist and turn is accounted for; we're made to believe that there are no mistakes in finding Mr. right, that when you find someone your heart beats heavy for, that he must be the one. Of course, this concept is flawed. For one, there is no such thing as a Mr. Right. Going off into the world with the preconceived notion that there is a perfect match for you is a flawed mindset, setting you up for failure, again and again. There must be an understanding that people come with quirks and hangups. Everyone does. You, me, him. Therefore, it's unreasonable to assume there is a single person out there matching your every requirement. Likewise, don't assume that you meet every requirement of anyone else.
Heartbreak is a grueling, fiery pain that travels up the spine and strangles your brain with questions that don't have any satisfactory answers.
It's a pain that worsens as you question what you did wrong or what you could've done better. But I believe every relationship that doesn't work out is simply the result of the mind, body and soul issuing you a message of incompatibility. And although no one can meet every standard you may hold for them, they at least have to meet more than they don't. I said it's impossible for a man to check every box, but checking 2 out of 8 isn't going to cut it.
Instead of beating yourself up over what you can't control, focus on what you can. If you truly believe he is passing up a prize, you first have to behave as the prize. If you continue to deplete yourself of happiness and roll around in pain and agony, in a way you are justifying their decision to leave. No one will regret leaving a person they feel they were right for leaving; people regret leaving someone they discover they were wrong for leaving. No one will drop a quarter for a penny, a diamond for copper. Your value is exemplified through your mentality, your actions, and your commitments.
For mentality, understand that it isn't healthy to ruminate on your failures. For one, don't confuse failure with simple incompatibility; just because you and someone else hadn't worked out doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. There's nothing to gain by creating faults in yourself that don't exist, you are hurting your soul and self-worth in doing so. We tend to feel like it's either our fault, or their fault; never do we consider that two people sometimes simply don't find common ground to partner up and take on life's challenges together. It isn't easy breaking up with someone you felt a connection with, but there were likely signs sprinkled throughout the relationship that showed the connection was either weakening, or wasn't as strong as you believed. With all that said, the mentality you need to develop concerning breakups is one of resiliency, recognizing that you hold yourself to a certain standard and that any potential partners have to meet certain qualifications. If you'd done everything you were supposed to in the relationship, fulfilled your obligations and then some, it not working out was simply life saving you years of wasted time rotting in a relationship that would ultimately prove unfulfilling.
Hold your head high, behave in the manner a high quality woman should, and leave him to regret stepping away, not you.
Concerning your actions after a breakup, remember that motion is momentum. Momentum to move on, momentum to better one's self, momentum to fire up the healing process. Don't remain stagnant after a break up. It's important to stay busy. Occupy yourself with daily routines, start going to the gym, catch up on your hobbies, focus on the things and people who matter. Locking yourself away to dwell on the fragments of a broken relationship will lock you into a mental prison comprised of anguish, guilt, and a dark place where you perpetually rewind the breakup in your head. You have to keep moving. Stay busy. If after heartbreak you find yourself sitting around, floating aimlessly between school and work, you're actually admitting that someone else determined your place in life, determined your worth, your sense of liveliness. It's understandable after a heartbreak that you won't operate normally for a few weeks; the pain is still swimming through your body. But the road to recovery starts when you put yourself in motion, going out and rediscovering yourself. You have to recreate that bond with yourself, re-establish that trust and recommit to you. There's nothing more important during your recovery. Recommitting to yourself after committing to someone else. They're out the picture now, so you need to reclaim all that time, energy, and love.
Nothing can heal the heart like the warmth of one's own love.
Heartbreak comes from attaching expectations to people and having them unfulfilled. One thing that must always remain fulfilled is the loyalty, respect and appreciation you carry for yourself. Because at the end of the day, only you will meet every single one of your standards, without compromise.
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