Happiness is the currency required to purchase peace and fulfillment. The problem is, everyone around you has their version of what happiness is and, more annoying, feel their perspective on the matter should apply to you. Your happiness must be drawn out of your own spiritual and mental desires. You can't allow others to dictate what your happiness is. But you do, don't you? You allow your friends, family, even co-workers to decide what's good for you and what isn't. You place the opinion of others above your own. You don't trust yourself or your words...the whisper in your heart is drowned out by self-doubt and a lack of confidence. The decisions you make for yourself are always in question. Did I do the right thing? Was I wrong for this?
At every turn, you're convinced that maybe someone else has better answers to your questions; due to your inability to trust yourself, the tune of outside voices sound reasonable.
"You should give him another chance." A friend says.
"That's not a good move for you." your mother claims.
"Don't leave this job, you're not a really good fit anywhere else." Your co-worker advises.
It's amazing how much interest everyone has in your decisions. But the weight of their opinions is correlated to the equity you place in their wisdom. You don't take into account the weight of your own. So, why don't you trust yourself? Why does the value of your opinion shrink amongst the company of others? Well, it's likely because you have a fear of being wrong. Wrong about that guy. Wrong about that move or that other job you'd thought about applying for. And we don't ever want to be wrong --- especially when the fault would be our own. We want to be able to blame others for our failed decisions; listening to that friend, your mother or co-worker alleviates the pressure of making a decision and being wrong about it. We can blame them and feel better that it's someone else who deserves the guilt and fault. Then all you'd have to do is play the victim. Because playing the victim is the most comfortable role for you. Has been for years.
But there's a problem that remains, isn't there...? Where's that elusive happiness you'd expected to receive after removing yourself from the decision-making process, after putting the onus on someone else? You think happiness is supposed to be built, crafted by people you trust and handed over to you. You leave the construction of your happiness in the care of others. They tell you, "this is what happiness is." and you hold out your palms, impatiently waiting to have the scraps sprinkled in your hands. You confuse yourself because you believe there is a predetermined guide to finding happiness, that there is a path carved out for you and all that must be done is to tread down the path gleefully until you find it. Your happiness is a puzzle, and the missing pieces are your mind, heart and spirit. No other components from anyone else will solve your puzzle. They're incompatible. But there's more missing than just those three pieces. Perhaps the most important element:
The canvas on which to build the puzzle.
You've been trying to put together your happiness puzzle over a pile of rocks. And those sharp, bulgy objects protruding beneath your puzzle are the opinion of others. Further beneath the rocks is something you've been trying to hide from for a very long time: A flat, clean surface upon which you can successfully compile a complete picture. This clean surface is your conscience, your conviction, and it's been saddled beneath the opinion of others for years. It can't breathe, and it can't support you because you won't clear the rocks out of your way. Those puzzle pieces you're trying to fit in are chipped, bent, and destroyed due to the rocks.
There is no greater trust than that which a woman has in herself.
With the responsibility of allowing your conscience to breathe, giving your soul a voice, comes the added responsibility of accepting the consequences of whatever decision you make. Fear of failure is not a reason to surrender your happiness to the will of others. You have to know what's best for you, or you're simply giving others the liberty to decide that for you. You navigate the course of destiny for yourself, true happiness is derived from the freedom this provides. That's how you solve the puzzle. Realizing that it's yours to solve, not anyone else's. And solving it is only a matter of listening to your voice. It will be hard to hear at first, because it's unfamiliar to you; all the clutter from outside voices numbed your ears to the only voice that truly know you. So take your time in redeveloping that connection.
Clear the rocks, lay the puzzle down, and get to work.
Along with discovering the key to your happiness is understanding and appreciating yourself, something you probably don't do often. And here's what happens when you don't.