You develop feelings too quickly. Without fulling knowing the person, fulling understanding who they are, you have a tendency to wash them in a pool of affection, after only spending time with them on a handful of occasions. You don't realize just how much of yourself you've given to that person, how much power you've placed in their hands to control you.
There is a cycle you spin through in your relationships where you're always the first one to fall in love, the first to admit your feelings, the first one to extend your heart. And naturally, the end result leaves you alone, dealing with the fact that the target of your affection hasn't reciprocated any feelings, hasn't admitted to how they've felt about you, or they didn’t share the same level of affection as you. And yet, you still somehow misconstrued the situation. You somehow misread how that person felt, and it left you with a sinking feeling. An unresolved mix of emotions that confused you, and kept you awake at night wondering why you can't get it right, why can't that special someone fall in love with you...?
Does this sound like you?
It's okay to come clean with yourself... You move too fast, you get so caught up in the whirlwind of adrenaline and passion and excitement that you have a tendency to project your feelings onto the man or woman in question, never allowing them to express how they actually feel towards you, if any exists. This perpetual habit of yours causes you to be perceived as erratic, confused, and misguided. That man or that woman is almost certainly put off by your mannerisms, particularly when you open your mouth and the context of your conversations sound light-years ahead of where you two actually are. For example, you could be having a conversation about children, when your attraction is still talking about the weather, or plans for the weekend. You'll be talking about what moving in together would be like and what adjustments will need to be made to compensate each other's lives, meanwhile your attraction is still learning about where you grew up.
The context of conversation is running at two different speeds, because your ability to rationalize how you feel is disabled by emotional overload. So, the actual problem lies in your inability to moderate your affection for someone. Our brains receive an influx of chemicals when we meet someone who we are highly attracted to. This creates a sort of high that quickly becomes an addiction. We want to see that person more and more, we develop an idealized version of that person in our heads, and, ultimately, we want our feelings to be validated. We want our attraction to be reciprocated. That is, as much as you want that person, you hope and even expect them to want you exactly the same.
But... This hardly is the case with you, isn't it?
And that's why you're here, you want to know why do I fall in love so fast, why do I always give so much of myself, only to be denied and disappointed? What is it about me...? What am I not doing right, what's wrong with me...?
Well, I'm not a psychologist; I'm not an Oracle, or a miracle worker. I can pose questions, and depending on how you answer them, you perhaps can better understand yourself. I'll provide you with my own thoughts, and the hope is that you'll be able to interpret what applies to you, and reconfigure the way you think, which in turn, changes how you behave.
I can dive into the science all day, but I think you and others would appreciate a more human explanation. A down to Earth, personal discussion. So let's do that. First, don't fall into the trap of always thinking there's something wrong with you. A lot of things in life are learned from harsh, painful experiences. In fact, the most valuable lessons are derived from those experiences.
Let's talk about that word more: value.
That's where I would start. How much do you value your affection? For instance, does a guy or girl have to work hard for your affection? Based on the premise of this video, the answer for you would be no. Someone doesn't have to do a whole lot to earn your affection, your attention, and the most critical asset, your love. And that's a problem. You don't value your affection, so you give it away freely. You don't guard your love, you don't place it behind a wall, and establish requirements that must be met before you give it away. And so, with a lack of value, comes a lack of perspective. Not understanding that what you gave away for free, others -- like your attraction --- only surrender at a cost. So your love is out in the cold, while theirs is behind a warm wall of requirements.
So, start placing a price on your affection. A price that can only be paid with time. Don't be so quick to give yourself away to complete the irrational idea you and your attraction can be happily married w children in a couple months. That's an illusion. That's your lust and desire playing tricks on your brain. You have to recognize in those moments that challenge you the most: when you're right beside that girl, or right beside that guy, that this is only 1 day. And anyone can look perfect for a day. Anyone can make themselves flawless on a day when they need to. Even a few weeks, or a few months. They can display a perfect image just long enough to impress you and suck you in. But what helps is understanding that there are alot more flaws to that person than your lust is convincing you of, and eventually, those flaws will rise to the surface.
Your greatest enemy looking for love is yourself. Why? Because you shouldn't be looking for it to begin with. When you make a mental commitment to find love, you are more willing to cut corners, more hastily engaged to accomplishing that pursuit as quickly as possible. When you stop pursuing love, you'll stop being so eager to connect with someone, which inspires this desperation that you struggle with. You're under the assumption that if you give all your love and affection to someone quickly, that it somehow speeds up the process and they'll feel compelled to be with you suddenly. But in fact, it never works that way.
Desperation is typically born out of a lack of self-respect and diminished self-worth. You don't feel worthy of love, so at the first sign of a possible connection with someone, you jump the gun and try to cling to that person and, desperate to have them stay in your life, trade your affection for a piece of their time and affection.
You need to re-evaluate your sense of worth, do an honest assessment of yourself. When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see? Are you proud of the guy in the mirror, pleased with the girl in the mirror? Do you love yourself, first and foremost?
So, there are three components to why you fall in love too fast:
You don't value your affection. You put too much emphasis on searching for love. And you have a less than ideal level of self-respect for yourself.
These are the three pillars that crumbled at some point in your life, that you need to rebuild, piece by piece, brick by brick…