Don't Fear Being Alone

Being alone is a skill. And one not many have. People think that the only purpose while being single is to find a way not to be single. It's usually these type of individuals who are most miserable when they're not wrapped around someone else's arm day after day. But a mentally balanced woman knows that it is during this solitude when the deepest discoveries about one's self rise to the surface.

If you aren't already aware, relationships are hard work. They require energy from every corner of your soul: mentally, emotionally and physically. They're filled with exhaustive interactions towards someone you hold an affinity for, and in this regard tend to be worth the trouble. You're always around that person, you learn the traits and habits of each other, and you invest the totality of your time cultivating a healthy, solid foundation of trust, love and unity.

People tend to rush and hop back onto another rollercoaster because being together with someone is better than being with no one.

After a while, if you aren't careful, this repetitive process of foundation-building can become your identity. That is, you forget what it's like to be alone, and the thought of returning to that state scares you. You've found someone and your routine revolves around fulfilling activities as a couple. You are no longer a solo act --- yes, you have separate hobbies, jobs and friends --- but your life has evolved and become accustomed to inclusion, accustomed to having an emotional reliance on your partner. Having someone always there can be addicting. Digging and planting a relational foundation has gotten your hands dirty with years of cultivation, trust and even love.

So, what happens when that foundation breaks? When all the time spent digging up the Earth for the two of you to stand comfortably on spirals down the drain and you find yourself alone? The predicament is scarier than you imagined, isn't it? You hardly know what to do with yourself, and worse, you feel like you're socially expelled because of your single status. There's an erroneous belief that no one wants to be single. You buy into this theory and panic, believing your character flaws are to blame. People tend to rush and hop back onto another rollercoaster because being together with someone is better than being with no one. The thought of being alone is terrifying.

Being alone is not an indictment on who you are.

But this is usually a result of not understanding what it takes to properly heal from a fizzled relationship. Are you aware of the objectives you should be driving towards when you've hopped off the relationship train? Not knowing these objectives is where the irrational fear of loneliness comes from.

Being alone is not an indictment on who you are. People break apart, and being able to step back, perform maintenance on your mind and spirit, and refresh your social energy are steps that should be taken during your single lifestyle. There is no reason to rush this process because you long to be held and kissed and interacted with. Your heart and soul needs to heal, and hurrying this process will leave you in a worst state. Being alone isn't the same as being lonely. You can still be fulfilled without hanging off someone's arm. The sooner you learn how to enjoy your own company, the easier and more fulfilling the healing process is.

Relationships should not be a requirement; they should be complimentary pieces to a life that is already progressing in a positive direction.

Don't ever allow the desperation for companionship compel you to make rash relationship decisions. Don't abuse yourself by jumping back on the train too soon. Because you'll wind up leaping off again, in less time than before. You have to take control of your impulses. You have to understand that your solitude is a space of healing, not punishment. Appreciate the time you have alone, because it is the perfect opportunity to learn more about yourself, without the distraction of someone else's thoughts, needs, and presence.

Relationships should not be a requirement; they should be complimentary pieces to a life that is already progressing in a positive direction, a life with all of its primary components intact, where a relationship is simply an attachment to enhance what's already there. If you depend on companionship, you're suffering from mental weakness. There should never be a dependence on it, only a complimentary desire. Therefore, do not give into the unfounded fears of being single. It's actually quite a celebratory occasion, because now you have more time for yourself, more time to grow and mature. Take advantage of that time. The next relationship train will come chugging along, and you want to be healthy passenger when it's time to board.

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