Don't Betray Who You Are, To Be Who They Want

No one can know you better than...you. And for that matter, no one should. Yet, people always have their opinion of you, don't they? What they see doesn't satisfy them. The way you behave, what you wear and how you sound are contentious parts of yourself that they don't approve of. The only question you have to ask yourself when faced with these criticisms is this: why does their opinion matter? They don't, and here's why.

How often do we tend to conform to the wishes and desires of other people? After some time, this can chip away at who you really are. take time to yourself and reflect on who you've become as a woman, and the distance left to travel before realizing your full potential. Often times we have a tendency to give little bits and pieces of ourselves to others in order to either fit in, please, or compromise in a given situation. It starts small at first. We don't give too much, just a bit at a time. But over the course of your life, you'll have trouble recognizing who you are as there is very little left of your original self. Don't give into any compromises and more importantly, don't allow anyone to tell you what you should be or how you should be. 

It's easy for people to point the finger and expose all of your flaws. Tell you you're this, or you need to change that; people feel better about their own shortcomings when they can call out others'. If you fold to their scrutiny, you'll never find a solid identity for yourself. Identity should be a solidified element within your soul. It can't be reshaped nor molded by the hands of strangers. Any changes to who you are should come from a place of growth, experience, and understanding. Change should never come from random criticism. An ability to defend the shape of your character speaks to a lack of self-esteem.

You should never feel pressured to deconstruct yourself and rebuild according to someone else's specifications. 

We all have components of ourselves that require maintenance. Some even require reconfiguration. But don't do a disservice to yourself by placing that power in the hands of others. We can't always be what our parents hope for us to be, what authority figures anoint us to become, or the ideal version our relationship partner envisions us to be in their head. And that's not a bad thing. It's okay for you to grow into your own woman. We all walk a path and our destiny is sculpted by the obstacles we encounter along the road. If you aren't comfortable with who you are, it's possibly because somewhere along the way who you originally were became smothered in the mounting criticism and chastisement of family and friends. There are consequences for relinquishing control of your character, control of who you truly are. To re-arrange yourself for the satisfaction of others will lead to the destruction of your happiness.

If someone truly loves you, they'll accept the good in you as well as the bad. We aren't perfect creatures, and you'll burn yourself out trying to be one. There's nothing wrong with wanting more good than bad in yourself and working to clean some things up. Part of growing is continually improving small fragments of yourself to form a complete, polished woman. To that end, you should be receiving encouragement from your loved ones --- encouragement to continue on your journey of self-discovery. They should be on the sidelines rooting for you, not stepping onto the track and forcing you in a different direction.

be the best version of you, not the best version of perfection.

Because you'll never reach perfection. None of us will. And for that matter, feeling like you need to be perfect to please someone is a toxic situation. If there's an individual in your life asking the impossible from you, I would re-evaluate my relationship with them. Why is it that no one can simply love you for you? You can't be that other woman, and you certainly shouldn't give in to the pressure to try. You've got to stand on your principles. Accept me as I am, or find someone else you can manipulate. People may call you stubborn and whatever else they can think of, but at that point their voices should sound like television static. I'm not sure when it was when we've gotten away from being satisfied with ourselves, happy with our personality, our likes and dislikes, our skin color and body shape. Somewhere along the line who we were stopped being good enough.

If you've lost that control lately, take it back. Don't subscribe to the idea that your purpose is to capitulate and make others happy, at the expense of your own. Of course we should work to eradicate the bad habits in us. But that's a single passenger journey. No one should have to tell us what we lack for us to know it ourselves. You know who you are; you know the flaws swimming inside, and you also know the positive traits. If you are having trouble with who you are, learning and understanding what type of person you should be, I don't believe its the right for someone else to craft the characteristics you have to discover for yourself. You simply have to live more. Finding yourself is what makes life so rich, so powerful and illuminating. Because no one starts off knowing who exactly they should be. But learning day by day, week by week, year by year is the journey. It's a journey for one, and you shouldn't have it spoiled. Learn who you are, then defend who you are.

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