Don't Be Self-Centered, But Be Centered Within Yourself

A lot of times, you're expected to cater to the needs of others. It's seen as a sign of good character when your desires are suppressed, placed in the back seat, to tend to the will and desires of those around you. Being a person of servitude is considered a virtue that any good-hearted individual would submit to. Acts of selfishness are looked down upon, even criticized, because one should never put themselves before the greater good of your family, friends, community or even job. But there's a problem with this path of selflessness that no one touches on. While it's certainly admirable to put the needs of others before your own, this isn't an invitation to ignore your needs entirely. But that's what happens most times, isn't it? We suppress our own will and desires. In fact, we're led to believe it's foul and unbecoming of a quality woman.

But I challenge you to rework the ideology of what selfishness truly is. Don't allow your wants and needs to deteriorate while others' flourish and grow. Ask yourself honestly, how can you effectively help other people if you can't even help yourself? Home base has to be taken care of before we can go out and start assisting others. If a well of water is contaminated, anybody who drinks from it will also be contaminated. Before love and affection can be washed over your friends and family, make sure the source of that love is fresh, renewed and purposeful. If you begin to neglect yourself for the sake of helping others, you'll do more harm than good because your center is off. The things you touch and influence will grow rotten just as your spirit has after receiving very little nourishment.

Before time can be taken out for others, you have to take time out for yourself. 

Before you can help fulfill the desires of others (spouse, children, friends, family) you have to first fulfill your desires. It may sound uncomfortable, but I need you to understand: A dirty store will sell dirty products. They say it's hypocritical to be an upstanding woman who puts herself before others. But if you truly think about it, what's more hypocritical than offering something to someone you couldn't first offer to yourself? Giving advice you couldn't apply to yourself, providing spiritual medicine that hasn't first been tested within your own soul. Ask yourself another question: are you more likely to follow someone who's achieved their wants and desires and are now helping you achieve yours, over someone who hasn't ever gotten their own fulfilled? In most cases, you would much rather listen and follow someone who has the experience in the subject and endeavor they're trying to assist you in.

Don't feel bad for taking care of you. Even if it means you have to do it before taking care of others. And for each part of your life, that means something different. For example, with children who rely on you for resources, obviously you wouldn't alienate them for the sake of doing what you want. But before teaching your daughter about love, about self-respect, you would first ensure you have that same love and respect for yourself required to believably relay that information to her. She'll be able to tell if you're truly speaking what you know, or if that smile is fraudulent. Before teaching your son about how to be a good man, have you first found a good man? Do you have what it takes to identify what a good man truly is? You can't give to your children what you don't have for yourself. Can't teach principles that you haven't first applied to your own life.

You don't have to be self-centered to be centered within yourself.

So when we speak about selfishness, don't make the mistake that so many do and assume that this is derogatory behavior. You don't have to be self-centered to be centered within yourself. Ensure you have a clean, spiritual factory through which clean products can be dispensed to those around you. Be centered within yourself. Have your internal house in order. In this regard, taking time to tend to your own needs, desires and wounds is paramount to ensuring the Goddess inside you is vibrant and shining with a renewed energy that everyone around you can benefit from.

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